"You'll Enjoy It"
Retirement was supposed to be a peaceful sanctuary. Then came the lawn bowls club.
People often ask me when I retired. The honest answer is that I never really did. I simply swapped getting paid for working for doing exactly the same amount of work for absolutely nothing.
Retirement, as I was to discover, is one of life's greatest confidence tricks.
You spend forty-odd years dreaming about it. No alarm clock. No deadlines. No bosses. No Monday mornings. Just leisurely breakfasts, the odd holiday, a spot of gardening, and perhaps the occasional afternoon nap while pretending to watch the sport.
That was my plan. It lasted about three weeks.
My wife had other ideas.
"You need a hobby," she'd say.
"I've got hobbies."
"Watching television isn't a hobby. Why don't you try the bowling club? You'll enjoy it!"
"I won't."
"You will."
I still insist she's wrong.
Although...........If I'm being completely honest...She might have been right.
Just don't tell her I said that……So, you might want to read this or maybe not? It starts in about 2008 and finishes in about 2010, give or take a few years…..You never know…..” You might Enjoy It”.
JEM.
Stories filled with warmth, wit and community
Welcome to the home of JEM Bates, contemporary fiction author crafting humorous tales of modern life, quirky communities, and unexpected adventures from the picturesque wine country of South Australia.
Discover the world of 'You'll enjoy it'
Meet the eccentric personalities of the local bowling club in this sharp, comic novel celebrating Australian community life, reluctant heroes, and the joy of unexpected connections.
Pete the Prick
Now, I didn’t call him “Pete the Prick” at the time. That came later, after a period of careful observation and what I like to think of as character assessment.
But even on first meeting him, there was something about Pete that made you instinctively check your wallet and your dignity.
Herman the German
German Herman, 80, a lovely bloke who emigrated in 1947 at 17. Originally from Bavaria, Germany. After the war, as soon as they could, his family left Germany and settled in Hahndorf, South Australia. He still possessed a German accent. 'Mein Gott, Ven ve vere young, ve valked 30 kilometers through ze steep bushtracks to Adelaide overnight, carrying ze heavy baskets of butter, eggs, and vegetables on ze heads to sell at the morning markets, before valking all the way back.’
Danielle
Now this voice belonged to Danielle. Known throughout the club as AC/DC. Danielle stood close to seven feet tall and was built, as the saying goes, like a brick shithouse. Not just broad. Industrial. She was not somebody people argued with. Nor, for that matter, somebody people discussed too openly. Especially regarding sexuality. The accepted club policy was simple:
Danielle was Danielle.
Cyril the Rat Catcher
The Pest Control consisted of Cyril and his apprentice, Tom.
I got talking to Cyril, and we got on famously. He was from Bolton. He had this warm, cheeky humour. Great accent. Great timing. Even when he was being serious, he sounded as though he was halfway through a comedy routine.
About JEM Bates
Originally from the United Kingdom, JEM Bates now writes contemporary fiction nestled among the vineyards of South Australia. Drawing keen observations from everyday life, JEM crafts stories filled with dry humour, relatable dilemmas, and the rich eccentricities of local communities.
Heartfelt humour with classic charm
If you love Australian comic classics like Crackerjack, Muriel's Wedding, and The Castle, you will feel right at home with JEM Bates' vibrant storytelling and lovable eccentrics.
"A laugh-out-loud triumph. Anyone who has ever been roped onto a local club committee will feel Jack's pain and delight immediately."
Early reader review
"Packed with warmth, eccentric characters, and unmistakable Aussie community spirit. A genuinely entertaining and comforting read."
Book club preview
"Captures the brilliant mayhem of small-town volunteer life perfectly. The Christmas party sequence alone is worth the price of admission."
Fiction review network
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Author contact
Based in the wine region of South Australia.
Working online worldwide for reader enquiries, book club discussions, and media questions.
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